It's still weird to use the words Cancer and me in the same sentence. The explanation is comforting in a way because for the months I felt like a loser and a slug when I had no energy and quit school I had cancer. When you say that to people they accept it, and no one questions you.
There are many people that would not be able to find the lessons in a shocking diagnosis, or this situation. However, I have found several that I would like to share.
1. The first thing I really faced was not reality, not even my emotions...I found out what was wrong and a very serious surgery was scheduled for 2 weeks later. Amazingly, because surgery has been a consistent part of my life it's never really bothered me. I had never faced a complex medical situation such as this one. It hit me that I couldn't assume that everyone in my life that meant so much to me and had made an impact on my life knew how I felt in the event something went wrong in the surgery.
One might be wondering if this all just hit me like a MAC truck the night before? the answer is "No" as usual I heard a song while I was pondering that I believe God used to speak to me and spur me on to go ahead and let everyone know what I was thinking.
Garth Brooks- If Tomorrow Never Comes
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
Shes lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel About her in my heart
(chorus) If tomorrow never comes Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day That shes my only oneAnd if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me, WilI the love I gave her in the past be enough to last If tomorrow never comes cause Ive lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself To say each day how much she means to me And avoid that circumstance Where theres no second chance to tell her how I feel
*chorus*
So tell that someone that you love
Just what youre thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
2. Crisis situations in your life also teach you alot about how you cope and how those close to you cope when things get really rough. I have a lot of friends amd tons of people who care and that has been what has seen me through this. However, just like everything else there is a balance here too..I desperately needed people when I NEEDED them but I didn't want it to be always about how difficult my life if is. A very core group of close friends and family have circled the wagons and have put up with every emotional rollercoaster, every tear, every cuss word and they have never turned their backs.
I am so grateful that God has placed such wonderful individuals in my life who see fit to be there through the most difficult times.
I only hope I can return the favor if the need ever arises in the lives of these friends!! God is so Good to create such social loving and giving people.
As usual there is also a song that reminds of these special friennds!
Find Out Who Your Friends Are
Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere Get yourself in a bind
lose the shirt off your back Need a floor need a couch need a bus fare
This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don't lie
{Chorus}You find out who you're friends are Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car Hit the gas get there fast Never stop to think 'what's in it for me' or 'it's way too far' They just show on up with their big old heart You find out who you're friends are
Everybody wants to slap your back, wants to shake your hand when you're up on top of that mountain But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up and see who's around then This ain't where the road comes to an end This ain't where the bandwagon stops This is just one of those times whenA lot of folks jump off
{Chorus}
When the water's high When the weather's not so fair When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there
{Chorus}
