Mayhem in my mind

It's been quite awhile since I have blogged..In the interim I finished another semester at the Brown School of Social Work working on my MSW with a concentration on youth & families with disabilities transitioning to independent living settings. I took the summer off to have surgery on both my feet so I can return to effective walking and workouts. In late July I started my first practicum at Paraquad (the local Center for independent Living here in St. Louis) working with the Disability Vote Project, coalition building and policy analysis. I am really enjoying this work immensely and I hope to translate the skills and knowledge I learn here into a direct practice setting in my next practicum. So that's what I have been up to.. 

Now that you're sort of caught up...if you look at the timestamp of the post you might notice the outrageous time being 2:05 AM and you might be thinking "goodness Kelly if you have all these things going on shouldn't you be in bed?" THE ANSWER is YES but my mind won't shut off!

My itunes seems to understand my feelings even though it is on random shuffle and it is freaking me out. Since I started typing it has played

1.)Teardrops on my Guitar  Taylor Swift

2. You've Got a Friend James Taylor

3. Somewhere, Somehow Amy Grant & Michael W. Smith

4. Realize 

5. Waitin' On a Woman Brad Paisley Feat. Andy Griffith

6. Everyday Rascal Flatts

7. Invisible Taylor Swift

8. Every Now and Then Garth Brooks

9. I'm Only Me When I'm with You Taylor Swift 

You see I have a friend who I call every once in awhile because no matter what kind of day I've had or how tired I am we always laugh and have a great time. It amazes me how we often bring up the same topics of interest that are always slightly off the wall. As we have grown older we can talk about anything people we are attracted to, those who've shot us down and more deep things and others so trivial only we can understand. Because I am such a relational being I often feel in friendships that I am always the one my friends have to comfort or listen to and I don't get to do the same for them and it makes me doubt if they truly want to be in the friendship. Tonight I was pleasantly surprised when I called this friend and he said he had to ask me a question from a perspective of a person who works with those with disabilities. He went on to explain how women without disabilities do not give him a second look much less thought as far as dating. The question is.. why is this most people who have grown up with disabilities do not see their disability as a defining feature of them, and it shouldn't be. Somehow though many of my friends with disabilities as well as myself have found many people who have no problem seeing you as a friend bur can't seem to fathom dating or marrying someone with a disability. 

Foe me, personally, I agree wholeheartedly with a friend's assessment of what dating scenarios are best, "I just want someone who will love me and if they do understanding will come with it." 

It's funny how one can have conversations like this and be supportive wanting your friend to realize they are worth it. When it's all said and done and you hang up the phone the hard truth is you realize you are all alone!