Shower of blessings

WOW... so the last time I wrote it was August and I had just started my practicum experience at the local Center for Independent Living. I have been so very busy  and as I sit here in front of the flashing cursor reflecting on all the opportunities I have had I am reminded how wonderful and limitless God's plans are for our lives.  In my Social Work program we talk at length how policies that are made by the larger systems of government greatly impact the level of direct services people receive on a daily basis. Ideally all social workers should have a well versed education in the interplay of these elements. Unfortunately it has been my experience people often go to their areas of "knowledge comfort" and advocate only from there. Although I was hesitant I followed an inner voice telling me to step into the unknown realm of disability policy/advocacy and I have gained so much more than I could have dreamed. 

 Many times when there are be differing perspectives on an issue no one takes the time to listen to the challenges of the other party. For the most part, policymakers don't set out to make life challenging for minority groups (like the disabled) they just hear more from other constituents. This realization sparked a fire in me to do my part to ensue people of all minorities know the power of their voices. In addition how to effectively educate those in powerful positions on the daily experiences of minority groups and the impact of the policymakers action.

None of this was in MY plan..I love meeting the immediate needs that confront people unexpectedly in direct practice, However, the greater blessing I obtained through this experience is the idea that greater change  can occur through  empowering a group of people to see and unite their strengths for a brighter future.

On top of this broadening vision of possibilities for myself and others, I have been blessed with an additional employment opportunity and many new friendships!!

I am so grateful and undeserving of this shower of blessings!!!  

Mayhem in my mind

It's been quite awhile since I have blogged..In the interim I finished another semester at the Brown School of Social Work working on my MSW with a concentration on youth & families with disabilities transitioning to independent living settings. I took the summer off to have surgery on both my feet so I can return to effective walking and workouts. In late July I started my first practicum at Paraquad (the local Center for independent Living here in St. Louis) working with the Disability Vote Project, coalition building and policy analysis. I am really enjoying this work immensely and I hope to translate the skills and knowledge I learn here into a direct practice setting in my next practicum. So that's what I have been up to.. 

Now that you're sort of caught up...if you look at the timestamp of the post you might notice the outrageous time being 2:05 AM and you might be thinking "goodness Kelly if you have all these things going on shouldn't you be in bed?" THE ANSWER is YES but my mind won't shut off!

My itunes seems to understand my feelings even though it is on random shuffle and it is freaking me out. Since I started typing it has played

1.)Teardrops on my Guitar  Taylor Swift

2. You've Got a Friend James Taylor

3. Somewhere, Somehow Amy Grant & Michael W. Smith

4. Realize 

5. Waitin' On a Woman Brad Paisley Feat. Andy Griffith

6. Everyday Rascal Flatts

7. Invisible Taylor Swift

8. Every Now and Then Garth Brooks

9. I'm Only Me When I'm with You Taylor Swift 

You see I have a friend who I call every once in awhile because no matter what kind of day I've had or how tired I am we always laugh and have a great time. It amazes me how we often bring up the same topics of interest that are always slightly off the wall. As we have grown older we can talk about anything people we are attracted to, those who've shot us down and more deep things and others so trivial only we can understand. Because I am such a relational being I often feel in friendships that I am always the one my friends have to comfort or listen to and I don't get to do the same for them and it makes me doubt if they truly want to be in the friendship. Tonight I was pleasantly surprised when I called this friend and he said he had to ask me a question from a perspective of a person who works with those with disabilities. He went on to explain how women without disabilities do not give him a second look much less thought as far as dating. The question is.. why is this most people who have grown up with disabilities do not see their disability as a defining feature of them, and it shouldn't be. Somehow though many of my friends with disabilities as well as myself have found many people who have no problem seeing you as a friend bur can't seem to fathom dating or marrying someone with a disability. 

Foe me, personally, I agree wholeheartedly with a friend's assessment of what dating scenarios are best, "I just want someone who will love me and if they do understanding will come with it." 

It's funny how one can have conversations like this and be supportive wanting your friend to realize they are worth it. When it's all said and done and you hang up the phone the hard truth is you realize you are all alone! 

In love with being in LOVE???

I have been told in the past that I was in love with being in love. I find this kind of funny because I have only dated two people in my life. The first was not a nice guy. The second I would say I was truly in love with but afraid of what that meant. Over the years since the romantic tones of the second relationship disappeared I have wondered what if any are my roadblocks in relationships with guys.

When Dr. Phil hosted a show earlier this season about love junkies I decided to watch to see if I could gain any insight into my own issues. Although I certainly did not fit the description of the love junkie "serial dater" there were some nuggets of wisdom I gleamed. Why did I go on the breakup-make up roller-coaster with the guy I really treasured?  I had been continuously rejected by my previous "boyfriend" so I didn't believe the good times were real. If I felt slighted in any way I would bail because I was going to be in control of who had hurt feelings as Dr. Phil pointed out to his guest.

 So the whole thing was a test..will he understand me and love me all the time. This type of relationship management is very selfish because it only focuses on what I will get out of the relationship, it is not a mature and secure relationship. So today the past is just that and when and whoever I fall in love with will be well worth it.

Sometimes I wish I didn't care but I do ANYWAY

So Hi everyone,

It's been a very long time since I have posted! After the Cancer craziness last year life has been placed in MAJOR perspective . In other words, I usually use this genre to get things off my mind & heart, however things tend to pale in comparison to all of that. Until I had a conversation with a close friend of mine last evening. Let me start by saying that I am the type of person that loves people, but I very seldom trust them completely to go out on a limb in a friendship to give advice. In the place I am in my life right now I feel I am being lead to help those I come in contact with to make the most of the gifts and talents they have. THAT IS MY MISSION FIELD right now. I am so passionate about this and my drive is bolstered by the fact that I have seen the result of not being active in the plan God has for each and every one of us. I would much rather see God be glorified in the lives of his people who are pursuing a godly Christian life then being frozen in uncertainty. 

The particular conversation that sparked such an emotional reaction I had to blog, occurred between myself and one of the godliest friends I know.  All I want for any of my friends is to be fulfilled and happy in life, and to know that I am always going to be available. 

I don't think my concerns are inappropriate but the conversation left a sour taste in my mouth. (a comment was made which I will not divulge here) This comment made me question why I invest so much in friendships like this one, when it seems 1 of the 2 friends doesn't need the other.

If I didn't care about people and how much they mean to me and the 10 thousand times more they mean to our God...I would just stop. BUT I guess like Martina McBride sang I'll do it ANYWAY. 

I must always remember no matter how much others hurt me the ULTIMATE giver of love always takes you in. 

THANK YOU GOD FOR YOUR UNFAILING LOVE. 

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Martina McBride- Anyway

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

[Anyway lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyways

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea - sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
OH Anyway

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When Love Takes You In-Stephen Curtis Chapman

I know you’ve heard the stories 
But they all sound too good to be true 
You’ve heard about a place called home 
But there doesn’t seem to be one for you 
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep 
And drift off to a distant dream

Where love takes you in and everything changes 
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart 
When love takes you home and says you belong here 
The loneliness ends and a new life begins 
When love takes you in

And somewhere while you’re sleeping 
Someone else is dreaming too 
Counting down the days until 
They hold you close and say I love you 
And like the rain that falls into the sea 
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be

When love takes you in everything changes 
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart

And this love will never let you go 
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold

When love takes you in everything changes 
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart 
When love takes you home and says you belong here 
The loneliness ends and a new life begins 
When love takes you in it takes you in for good 
When love takes you in