This past weekend was Labor Day and I had the good fortune to spend some time with some really good friends that I see maybe twice a year. We went and saw Rush Hour 3 abd then went out to dinner so we could chat for awhile. I realized as we sat there how blessed I am. One of these individuals is thousands of miles away and when he heard of the trials I had been enduring over the past year he immediately called to see how I was. There was no thought as to how this gesture might be construed, he was just a truly concerned friend.
This thought pattern came full circle when our other friend who was there made the comment that I was "being very silly and laughing a lot" today. I easily responded "You make me happy and give me a reason to laugh" I immediately thought to myself
'oh maybe I shouldn't have said that it'll be taken the wrong way and cause an awkwardness."
Later in the weekend events occurred that brought clarity to this thinking..
On Sunday my grandmother got a call from my cousin Nathan in Maryland, he was shipping out Monday for 9 months in Iraq. No one in my family had second thoughts as to whether or not they should tell Nathan and his family how much they support and love him. Yet there are people in our lives that have been there through our personal battles and at least I find myself struggling with how much to tell them I appreciate their presence and their ability to see me for me and accept me anyway.
Whether you know a soldier or just a friend who has meant a lot to you I encourage you to tell them what they mean to you!
AND DON't FORGET TO DO LOTS OF LAUGHING!
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Monday, August 06, 2007
Belonging makes a difference
So its been a long time since I last blogged a lot has gone since then so I guess I'll update you first. Near the middle of July I spent a week at Camp independence I have lots of fun with all of my campers. We learned that we can all play sports, even if we do it in different ways.
The next week I was back to good old doctor's appointments first I went to see my hematologist. Lately I've been really worried for the cancer was coming back. Lo' and behold after doing some blood work some of my exhaustion is probably because I'm severely anemic. Now I'm literally pumping iron into my body three times a day and hoping the numbers are coming up. Due to his thorough nature, this doctor listened to me when I told him the concern I felt as though my neck has been swelling over the past couple months. He immediately ordered a CT scan for the next day and said he would check it out. Next it was off to the endocrinologist and he assured me he was positive, the cancer was not coming back, and there was no trace of it left behind. YIPEEEE!!
I got a call a week later, the results were in... my thought. "Why are they calling?" Kelly, the doctor wants to talk to you, "oh crap he never wants to talk to anybody"
Dr. "Hey Kel they think they see something on your CT. So can you go back to the ENT and have them check it out?"
So I went back... he was glad to see me and that everything had turned out okay. He looked around for awhile and said there's nothing that I'm concerned about. However, what's this other bump on your neck?
We wound up doing a needle biopsy on the bump that day as soon as he drained it it went away, and so now I'm waiting for the results of that. Now that everyone's up to speed, lets get to the real reason I wanted to write a blog today.
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This may be hard for some of you who know me really well to believe, but many times, I don't know where I fit in this world. I have causes I believe in and things I'm passionate about, that I would do other people thought I should do. Something that falls in this category is my job. Throughout school and sometimes even now I feel like people think.I don't have the complete package of ability to be a full-fledged child life specialist, but I know otherwise. And there are people around me that do agree with me.
It's difficult sometimes when you go to a place and you feel like to so many people you encounter, you are proving yourself to them as a competent, reliable employee and caregiver. What keeps me going, you ask why struggle? It's simple, despite everything. my role in that place, every time is for the children not to boost my ego, but to make their lives a little brighter.
Then there are the days the camp... where I'm surrounded by kids who look up to me, who don't notice my wheelchair as an obstacle to being their helper, they just wanna be my buddy all day long. Then there's the staff that have all helped me through the roughest parts of my life. When I did not advocate, when I wanted to throw in the towel. Now the same people are asking my professional opinion on how to improve the services they provide, asking me to buddy up with some of the more interesting kids because they know I can handle it. Having days like these help me to recharge my tank! Everybody has a day or two maybe a week, when they feel like they can't take anymore. The larger society and the world just doesb't get it, it's beating people with disabilities down so far,they just can't get back up. I have days like these then I hear the screams of the joy as the kids with these similar conditions, skate across the ice making a goal or block a shot, and even dunk a friend in the pool. It's these times, I realize we'll always have to fight we'll always have to advocate that will never end. There are days you have to sit back and thank God for all the blessings, all little things we do have. You may have to search really hard. Some days it may be as small as every breath you take, but it's still something to be grateful for.
I'm so grateful that I have found a home in the disability community that I feel comfortable with and that my passion has become to advocate and make this world society and local communities a better place for all those with disabilities. I never have denied my disability I couldn't even if I wanted to. I always needed pieces of equipment to get around. It could never be hidden. It's funny, though, I realized after attending an ADA event a couple weeks ago, even up to a year ago, I thought others can handle advocacy, and the speaking out stuff because I have enough to worry about. Now my biggest pet peeve is when people with disabilities of any kind complain about their problems and yet they have no type of advocacy effort going on in their lives. Not everybody is going be on the federal level or make a life out of advocating. I realize this, but every voice every letter makes a difference. Some people find disability awareness events intimidating (I could see where that might happen) but I personally have embraced these type of events as a way for me to gain strength. belonging and knowledge that change can happen.
I have a really good friend that is the wonderful advocate locally. Sometimes I just love to listen to his explanations, because I learn so much from him. When I meet people at places like independent living centers or advocacy events and I know that I can come to them any day with a concern or a problem. and they will be there with understanding and the best solution possible..
so even though at times, you may not feel like you belong remember everyone has a purpose for being on this earth. I can clearly see my entire purpose right at the moment, but I am positive in all the above situation. I am being strengthened, blessed and molded into the person I am supposed to be.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
There is a God and HE is EVERYWHERE but sometimes he uses people to get his work done!
No matter what your political views are in this day and age, No one can dispute that we are fighting awar in Iraq where lives are being lost. Wars are violent, they are horrific,and I wish they could end. I don't believe that will happen though until the Prince of Peace comes again. One thing I know is that the soldiers in the battle believe in their cause so much that they are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for the principles they are fighting for in a country where for centuries all they have known is tyranny.
I have young relatives who are going over to be a part of the mission in Iraq and the one thing that I cling to is they believe in their mission and they go with God's protection and love.
It is my belief that we live in a war zone everyday between spiritual good and evil, the thing that makes this battle much less burdensome is our Commander has slready assured us victory we just have to "fight the good fight"until we're called home to our reward in Heaven.
It's much easier to fight when you have support and never ending love of those around you..I encourage all who read this post and the following vignette to pray for and in some way encourage a service person serving overseas today!
Thank you
A United States Marine was attending some college courses betweenassignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One ofthe courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of theACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked tothe ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you toknock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." Thelecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went byand the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his Chair,went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform.
The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The
professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked,
"What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers
who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So, He sent me."
I have young relatives who are going over to be a part of the mission in Iraq and the one thing that I cling to is they believe in their mission and they go with God's protection and love.
It is my belief that we live in a war zone everyday between spiritual good and evil, the thing that makes this battle much less burdensome is our Commander has slready assured us victory we just have to "fight the good fight"until we're called home to our reward in Heaven.
It's much easier to fight when you have support and never ending love of those around you..I encourage all who read this post and the following vignette to pray for and in some way encourage a service person serving overseas today!
Thank you
A United States Marine was attending some college courses betweenassignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One ofthe courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of theACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked tothe ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you toknock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." Thelecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went byand the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his Chair,went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform.
The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The
professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked,
"What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers
who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So, He sent me."
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
When it's a time in life you need your "somebody" friend
I have been praying strange things lately. I haven't shared the context of these private times with myself and God because I don't think even those who are the closest to me would understand. In my recent battle with cancer I learned how precious time with those you love is, and how so often we take that for granted. The stage of thyroid cancer I had was quite progressed and had it not been found when it was I may not have the priveledge of sharing these thoughts today. Friends who have always been in my life truly closed ranks around me and expressed that my presence in their life meant something and I was so blessed by this.
I have not officially been declared cancer free and there are some indications to me that some symptoms may be returning. This fear is the biggest that has lingered in my heart and brain since the end of my initial treatment.
The prospect of the cancer returning is even more scary because in a moment of emotional diarhea I confided something to a friend of mine who has been a rock to me, during numerous times when my life has been upside down.
I just wish he would trust and realize that ultimately I want happiness for him in life, I'm not asking for a life long commitment of never ending romance..just a friend to be a "somebody" when I need a friend who knows me and doesn't try to fix or change me.
As these thoughts raced through my brain...a song came on my ipod that I wish I could share with this friend
Artist: Keith Urban Album: Love, Pain And The Whole Crazy Thing Year: 2006
Title: Everybody
So here you are now,
nowhere to turn
It’s just the same old yesterday
You made a promise to yourself That you were never gonna be this way
And the only thing that you’ve ever known is to run So you keep on drivin’ faster into the sun(Chorus)
But everybody needs somebody sometimes Yeah everybody needs somebody sometimes
You don’t have to find your own way out You’ve got a voice let it be heard
Just when it feels you’re on a dead-end road There’s always somewhere left to turn
So don’t give up now you’re so close to a brand new day Yes you are
And if you just can’t bare to be alone then I’ll stay
(Chorus)‘Cause everybody needs somebody sometimes
Yeah everybody needs somebody sometimes
Well maybe I’ve been too caught upTo see what you’ve been goin’ throughAll that I can say is I’m here now
(Chorus) And everybody needs somebody sometimes You know they do Everybody needs somebody sometimes Everybody needs somebody sometimes Everybody needs somebody sometimes Everybody needs somebody sometimes
I have not officially been declared cancer free and there are some indications to me that some symptoms may be returning. This fear is the biggest that has lingered in my heart and brain since the end of my initial treatment.
The prospect of the cancer returning is even more scary because in a moment of emotional diarhea I confided something to a friend of mine who has been a rock to me, during numerous times when my life has been upside down.
I just wish he would trust and realize that ultimately I want happiness for him in life, I'm not asking for a life long commitment of never ending romance..just a friend to be a "somebody" when I need a friend who knows me and doesn't try to fix or change me.
As these thoughts raced through my brain...a song came on my ipod that I wish I could share with this friend
Artist: Keith Urban Album: Love, Pain And The Whole Crazy Thing Year: 2006
Title: Everybody
So here you are now,
nowhere to turn
It’s just the same old yesterday
You made a promise to yourself That you were never gonna be this way
And the only thing that you’ve ever known is to run So you keep on drivin’ faster into the sun(Chorus)
But everybody needs somebody sometimes Yeah everybody needs somebody sometimes
You don’t have to find your own way out You’ve got a voice let it be heard
Just when it feels you’re on a dead-end road There’s always somewhere left to turn
So don’t give up now you’re so close to a brand new day Yes you are
And if you just can’t bare to be alone then I’ll stay
(Chorus)‘Cause everybody needs somebody sometimes
Yeah everybody needs somebody sometimes
Well maybe I’ve been too caught upTo see what you’ve been goin’ throughAll that I can say is I’m here now
(Chorus) And everybody needs somebody sometimes You know they do Everybody needs somebody sometimes Everybody needs somebody sometimes Everybody needs somebody sometimes Everybody needs somebody sometimes
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Today..was an "off day"
I am frustrated!! Things have been looking up for me lately. I have been feeling much more energizedand since I have been put on thyroid medicine I have resumed activities that were given up for upwards of 10 months like working out twice a week. Working out is a great outlet for me because I make every time a competition with myself to maintain or better my personal performance than the time before.
When I was able to do a lot last week I felt victorious like I was saying to the past year of my life "You can knock me down and challenge me, BUT you certainly didn't knock me out!"
The past few days have been different though..I have noticed the area of neck where the Cancer was the worst is swelling slightly, I don't have the complete energy I have had the past few weeks. Today for the first time in months I slept five hours of the day a way in a sound sleep when I am ususlly out and about!
This may be as sismple as increasing my dose of medication when I go see my doctor next month, but honestly I am fighting the monsterous "What if.." thoughts in my head.
I know those are the devil and no matter what God is working. Knowing that is comforting but I find myself asking if the rollercoaster I've been on lately might turn into a Straight-away for awhile.
Lastly,
I wanted to post here what an "off day" looks like for me in a workout and maybe when I look back I'll see it wasn't so off..
On Weight machine all of these are 3 sets of 10
Rowing 20 pounds
Lat pull
Left 15 pounds
Right 12.5 pounds
Rickshaw (works triceps)
Right 23.75 Pounds
Left 20 Pounds
Deltoid
Left 6.75 pounds
Pedaling the leg bike stats
I went approx. 1 mile in 26 min.
Last week I did the same distance in 14 min.
When I was able to do a lot last week I felt victorious like I was saying to the past year of my life "You can knock me down and challenge me, BUT you certainly didn't knock me out!"
The past few days have been different though..I have noticed the area of neck where the Cancer was the worst is swelling slightly, I don't have the complete energy I have had the past few weeks. Today for the first time in months I slept five hours of the day a way in a sound sleep when I am ususlly out and about!
This may be as sismple as increasing my dose of medication when I go see my doctor next month, but honestly I am fighting the monsterous "What if.." thoughts in my head.
I know those are the devil and no matter what God is working. Knowing that is comforting but I find myself asking if the rollercoaster I've been on lately might turn into a Straight-away for awhile.
Lastly,
I wanted to post here what an "off day" looks like for me in a workout and maybe when I look back I'll see it wasn't so off..
On Weight machine all of these are 3 sets of 10
Rowing 20 pounds
Lat pull
Left 15 pounds
Right 12.5 pounds
Rickshaw (works triceps)
Right 23.75 Pounds
Left 20 Pounds
Deltoid
Left 6.75 pounds
Pedaling the leg bike stats
I went approx. 1 mile in 26 min.
Last week I did the same distance in 14 min.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Learn about Me fun!!
I realized the other day when reading over this blog that compared to some of my friends lighthearted blogs...this one is heavy and not always joyful. Although at the least (if anyone reads it I hope it is thought provoking.)
So this is my attempt to be not so drama laiden and show the fun humorous side of me. The side I think a lot of my friends really like!!
I often get "Getting to Me" surveys from my friends over e-mail and I thought I might post one here with my creative answers for fun-- ENJOY, your peek into my brain :-)
Getting to know me
1. FIRST NAME? ? Kelly
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Last night My Ipod played Keith Urban "Tonight I wanna Cry" and everytime I here that darn song...the floodgates... Wow I have a strong power of suggestion going
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not the Cursive all the time, but my print is Da' Bomb
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Hard Salami
6. KIDS? I used to say YES but I am waivering these days..it depwnds who I marry
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? Yes
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Sort of
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Meee????.. Noooo....Never!!
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes, but No thyroid gland (in case that was your next question!
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No..my everyday life is an adventure
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Corn Pops
13. YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? no, Velcro or crocs rock
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? You wouldn't wanna meet me in a dark alley!
15. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Cookies N'Cream or Phish Food
16. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Are they clean, Do they smile and laugh
17. RED OR PINK? pink
18. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? The fact that friends come to me for help
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Everyone I used to live a roll away from in Columbia MO
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? yes
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW? Jeans and Pink and white Tennys
22. THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Plain mini bagel
>> >23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My ipod- (More specifically New Edition, Still In Love With You)
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Pink
25. FAVORITE SMELL? (ok I'm a dork) The lobby of the hospital where I work, it doesn't smell like a hospital. when I breathe in the air there I know no matter how I feel or what challenges I may run into those kids need what I bring!
26 WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Becky (my roommate)
27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? yes, of course (and I miss both of them)
28. FAVORITE DRINK? Diet Mt. Dew, Malibu and Diet Coke, Bud Select
29. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Cardinal Baseball. Mizzou Basketball
30. HAIR COLOR? Light brown blond highlights
31. EYE COLOR? blue-green
32. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No
33. FAVORITE FOOD? Mexican
34 . SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? happy endings
35. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Notebook(I am a sucker for a love story)
.>> >36. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? pink and white horizontal stripes (I am trying to look fatter)
37. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer most definitely
38. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs
39. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate
40. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ????
41. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ???
42. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? The Fourth Summer of the sisterhood of the traveling pants
And The ADA Accessibility Guidelines
43. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? DELL
44. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Larry The Cable Guy Comedy special
45 FAVORITE SOUNDS? At this point.. the Sound of Pomp and Circumstance
46. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles
47. THE FURTHEST YOU BEEN FROM HOME? Canada
48. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? many
49. WHEN WERE YOU BORN? February 9
50. WHERE WERE YOU BORN St. Louis MO
So this is my attempt to be not so drama laiden and show the fun humorous side of me. The side I think a lot of my friends really like!!
I often get "Getting to Me" surveys from my friends over e-mail and I thought I might post one here with my creative answers for fun-- ENJOY, your peek into my brain :-)
Getting to know me
1. FIRST NAME? ? Kelly
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Last night My Ipod played Keith Urban "Tonight I wanna Cry" and everytime I here that darn song...the floodgates... Wow I have a strong power of suggestion going
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not the Cursive all the time, but my print is Da' Bomb
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Hard Salami
6. KIDS? I used to say YES but I am waivering these days..it depwnds who I marry
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? Yes
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Sort of
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Meee????.. Noooo....Never!!
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes, but No thyroid gland (in case that was your next question!
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No..my everyday life is an adventure
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Corn Pops
13. YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? no, Velcro or crocs rock
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? You wouldn't wanna meet me in a dark alley!
15. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Cookies N'Cream or Phish Food
16. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Are they clean, Do they smile and laugh
17. RED OR PINK? pink
18. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? The fact that friends come to me for help
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Everyone I used to live a roll away from in Columbia MO
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? yes
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW? Jeans and Pink and white Tennys
22. THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Plain mini bagel
>> >23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My ipod- (More specifically New Edition, Still In Love With You)
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Pink
25. FAVORITE SMELL? (ok I'm a dork) The lobby of the hospital where I work, it doesn't smell like a hospital. when I breathe in the air there I know no matter how I feel or what challenges I may run into those kids need what I bring!
26 WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Becky (my roommate)
27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? yes, of course (and I miss both of them)
28. FAVORITE DRINK? Diet Mt. Dew, Malibu and Diet Coke, Bud Select
29. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Cardinal Baseball. Mizzou Basketball
30. HAIR COLOR? Light brown blond highlights
31. EYE COLOR? blue-green
32. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No
33. FAVORITE FOOD? Mexican
34 . SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? happy endings
35. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Notebook(I am a sucker for a love story)
.>> >36. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? pink and white horizontal stripes (I am trying to look fatter)
37. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer most definitely
38. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs
39. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate
40. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ????
41. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ???
42. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? The Fourth Summer of the sisterhood of the traveling pants
And The ADA Accessibility Guidelines
43. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? DELL
44. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Larry The Cable Guy Comedy special
45 FAVORITE SOUNDS? At this point.. the Sound of Pomp and Circumstance
46. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles
47. THE FURTHEST YOU BEEN FROM HOME? Canada
48. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? many
49. WHEN WERE YOU BORN? February 9
50. WHERE WERE YOU BORN St. Louis MO
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Do you have a list of things you want to do before you die?
About a week ago I was talking with a friend of mine and I mentioned some activity and they became really excited and said, "attending that event is on my life list of things to do!" Now I don't categorically dismiss the gravity of prioritizing things one would like to do accomplish in their lifetime. Oprah and Ellen have both talked extensively about how thes "lists" can enrich ome's life.
My first thought when my friend mentioned it though was the movie "A Walk To Remember" Mandy Moore's character who is terminally ill has made a list of things she wants to do before she dies and her love interest Shane West's character goes about their relationship fulfilling as many of these items as humanly possible..this is the best function of a list like this, I'll get back to why in a minute (in my opinion)
After the aforementioned conversation ended I began to try and think what might be on my list if I ever decided to make one. What I came up did not seem LIFE LIST worthy for example i came up with
* Finish my Masters degree
* Get a full time job with benefits
*Get a support dog (The dog may substitute the husband at the rate I'm going)
*Marry a Christian man
* Live in an accessible place
* Attempt to learn to drive
DREAM
*See the STL Cardinals play a game in every Major League Ballpark
I really kept thinking about this issue for a long time afterwards and I think the reason it is hard for me to think BIG out side of the last one for the list is that I don't want lavish things for myself in this world. I have been shown since the very day I was born that the LIST of experiences and opportunities God has for me are so much better than any list I could write. I'm not by any means saying we should not have goals or aspirations, but I am constantly relearning that when I start setting plans in stone, God usually turns the stone back into clay and reshapes it for the better.
The other thing I often notice is that when people often write these lists it's all about what they want in their life. Although it is good to keep your spirits up and take care of yourself, the purpose of that I believe is so you can give back to others.
I believe for me a LIST that would be much longer and easier to write is things I want to accomplish or have an impact on that will make a difference in the lives of others!
I don't really know if anyone reads this blog but I challenge you to maybe write a LIST of that kind and see what kind of an impact we can all have!
My first thought when my friend mentioned it though was the movie "A Walk To Remember" Mandy Moore's character who is terminally ill has made a list of things she wants to do before she dies and her love interest Shane West's character goes about their relationship fulfilling as many of these items as humanly possible..this is the best function of a list like this, I'll get back to why in a minute (in my opinion)
After the aforementioned conversation ended I began to try and think what might be on my list if I ever decided to make one. What I came up did not seem LIFE LIST worthy for example i came up with
* Finish my Masters degree
* Get a full time job with benefits
*Get a support dog (The dog may substitute the husband at the rate I'm going)
*Marry a Christian man
* Live in an accessible place
* Attempt to learn to drive
DREAM
*See the STL Cardinals play a game in every Major League Ballpark
I really kept thinking about this issue for a long time afterwards and I think the reason it is hard for me to think BIG out side of the last one for the list is that I don't want lavish things for myself in this world. I have been shown since the very day I was born that the LIST of experiences and opportunities God has for me are so much better than any list I could write. I'm not by any means saying we should not have goals or aspirations, but I am constantly relearning that when I start setting plans in stone, God usually turns the stone back into clay and reshapes it for the better.
The other thing I often notice is that when people often write these lists it's all about what they want in their life. Although it is good to keep your spirits up and take care of yourself, the purpose of that I believe is so you can give back to others.
I believe for me a LIST that would be much longer and easier to write is things I want to accomplish or have an impact on that will make a difference in the lives of others!
I don't really know if anyone reads this blog but I challenge you to maybe write a LIST of that kind and see what kind of an impact we can all have!
Monday, June 04, 2007
Feel N' Say
Do you remember those exciting toys for toddlers that they could play with for hours? It was round and had numerous pictures of animals or places and when you pulled the lever on the side a voice would say the name and make an identifying sound, these awesome toys were called See N' Says.
Ironically I have a trait that resembles this in my life and it doesn't always bring smiles and hearty laughter like a toy might. I love to communicate with people (I would even say it is one of my hobbies) This is reflected in my chosen career and the field I have picked to continue pursuing education. As a result of interacting with people and striving to learn and improve the world one person at a time I can't help but having feelings that I often keep to myself.
Eventually I come to the realization that good, bad or indifferent because of the person I am I need to share with one of about 4 people in my inner circle of closest friends.
So similar to a child who wants to show someone what their favorite animal sounds like, I decide who would be the best confidant to share with, I point the arrow there, pull the lever of my feelings and let them go with honesty.
I really wish I didn't have a Feel N' Say approach to times when things are weighing me down or stressing me out.
OH FOR THE SIMPLER DAYS WHEN MOST OF MY HAPPINESS WAS WRAPPED UP IN MATCHBOX CARS AND SEE N' SAYS
I guess that's why I work with kids...just fun...no assumptions
Ironically I have a trait that resembles this in my life and it doesn't always bring smiles and hearty laughter like a toy might. I love to communicate with people (I would even say it is one of my hobbies) This is reflected in my chosen career and the field I have picked to continue pursuing education. As a result of interacting with people and striving to learn and improve the world one person at a time I can't help but having feelings that I often keep to myself.
Eventually I come to the realization that good, bad or indifferent because of the person I am I need to share with one of about 4 people in my inner circle of closest friends.
So similar to a child who wants to show someone what their favorite animal sounds like, I decide who would be the best confidant to share with, I point the arrow there, pull the lever of my feelings and let them go with honesty.
I really wish I didn't have a Feel N' Say approach to times when things are weighing me down or stressing me out.
OH FOR THE SIMPLER DAYS WHEN MOST OF MY HAPPINESS WAS WRAPPED UP IN MATCHBOX CARS AND SEE N' SAYS
I guess that's why I work with kids...just fun...no assumptions
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
When you fall in love..Don't lose yourself
Every age group has to handle interesting situations as they mature and experience new things. For people my age (in their mid to late twenties) this often means meeting a special someone, getting married, and starting a family of one's own. Eventually, that is one of the things I hope will occur in my life, but recently I have found it quite interesting to sit back and observe the time of life for friends of mine.
This weekend I saw examples of couples at each end of the spectrum. One is just recently engaged, she had never dated prior to a "chance meeting" of a young man sitting down next to her in a pew in church for several weeks and they eventually went out and fell in love gradually.
Growing up this person was unique, she had few friends but the ones she had were VERY CLOSE!! Insecurity was a struggle, she questioned who would date her since she was not one of the popular girls. Even though this was the case she stayed strong and true to herself, focused on school and when she stopped looking (according to her) the love of her life came into her life. In this sense this young woman is a lot more secure than she thinks she is. Her fiancee loves her for who she is nothing has changed. He loves her analyzing nature,her tendency to argue, but he knows when she needs someone to stand up to her and other times when she needs a soft place to fall.
Then there are others I see that get married and I have NO Doubt they are in love but it seems that the insecurity is pervasive even in the marriage relationship.
This is exemplified in situations where the young wife is visiting in laws and she asks her husband constant questions about simple activities. "The dog is out of water, do you think I should give him more?" The question was continually posed until it was answered. I don't understand how a young woman who is smart feels that every decision no matter how small should go through her husband. This is a Christian couple and I do believe biblical principles should be followed in a relationship/marriage such as being submissive. However I don't think giving the dog more water qualifies.
It is one of my hopes for the future to find a partner for life and get married eventually, and although I have had some issues with being insecure in relationships when I was younger and immature. I have grown and I gain great hope from seeing stories like the first one play out in the lives of my closest friends.
I only hope I can be a support to some of the others who in my opinion might benefit from some empowerment
This weekend I saw examples of couples at each end of the spectrum. One is just recently engaged, she had never dated prior to a "chance meeting" of a young man sitting down next to her in a pew in church for several weeks and they eventually went out and fell in love gradually.
Growing up this person was unique, she had few friends but the ones she had were VERY CLOSE!! Insecurity was a struggle, she questioned who would date her since she was not one of the popular girls. Even though this was the case she stayed strong and true to herself, focused on school and when she stopped looking (according to her) the love of her life came into her life. In this sense this young woman is a lot more secure than she thinks she is. Her fiancee loves her for who she is nothing has changed. He loves her analyzing nature,her tendency to argue, but he knows when she needs someone to stand up to her and other times when she needs a soft place to fall.
Then there are others I see that get married and I have NO Doubt they are in love but it seems that the insecurity is pervasive even in the marriage relationship.
This is exemplified in situations where the young wife is visiting in laws and she asks her husband constant questions about simple activities. "The dog is out of water, do you think I should give him more?" The question was continually posed until it was answered. I don't understand how a young woman who is smart feels that every decision no matter how small should go through her husband. This is a Christian couple and I do believe biblical principles should be followed in a relationship/marriage such as being submissive. However I don't think giving the dog more water qualifies.
It is one of my hopes for the future to find a partner for life and get married eventually, and although I have had some issues with being insecure in relationships when I was younger and immature. I have grown and I gain great hope from seeing stories like the first one play out in the lives of my closest friends.
I only hope I can be a support to some of the others who in my opinion might benefit from some empowerment
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Don't mess with my man!! #15
Tonight was like every other night there is a televised Cardinals game, I was happily lounging in front of the TV listening to the commentary, and enjoying my team's very comfortable 8-3 lead. All of a sudden a ball was scorched out to left field. The seconds went in slow motion as I saw the possibility that Chris Duncan could easily mis-play this ball and our lead would evaporate. AMAZINGLY!!! he caught the ball with veteran LIKE finesse.
Notice my wording here I purposely used the term like.
One of the announcers however saw fit to make an incredibly ridiculous comment. His name Al Hrabosky and he said "Chris Duncan has made more spectacular catches in the outfield these days than Jim Edmonds."
Now I realize Jim Edmonds has not been his normal self but his a glove toting veteran of the major leagues who is still majorly contributing to this team including in TONIGHT'S CONTEST!!
YES, Duncan made a great play and it had a tremendous impact on our chances to win this game and ultimately the series, but do not EVEN if you a former player and announcer and feel you are a MAJOR authority on all things St. Louis Cardinals compare a virtual rookie to a well established, all-around, body sacrificing veteran who can cover more ground faster than Hrabosky could ever dream!!
There I feel better now.. WARNING don't soak erroneously about someone I care about! You might just wind up in the blogosphere!!
Notice my wording here I purposely used the term like.
One of the announcers however saw fit to make an incredibly ridiculous comment. His name Al Hrabosky and he said "Chris Duncan has made more spectacular catches in the outfield these days than Jim Edmonds."
Now I realize Jim Edmonds has not been his normal self but his a glove toting veteran of the major leagues who is still majorly contributing to this team including in TONIGHT'S CONTEST!!
YES, Duncan made a great play and it had a tremendous impact on our chances to win this game and ultimately the series, but do not EVEN if you a former player and announcer and feel you are a MAJOR authority on all things St. Louis Cardinals compare a virtual rookie to a well established, all-around, body sacrificing veteran who can cover more ground faster than Hrabosky could ever dream!!
There I feel better now.. WARNING don't soak erroneously about someone I care about! You might just wind up in the blogosphere!!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Place in THIS WORLD?????
I BEG YOU HEAVENLY FATHER.... JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL OF MY LIFE PLEASE...
The past months I have come through so many trials. Many would say that these devastating circumstances would shake the core of their faith, but not mine Lord. Honestly, there were times I questioned Why me?, but I ultimately clung to you because you are the most faithful and forgiving suppurt.
Now that my life seems to be returning back to "normal" I feel I am shaky ground. Maybe it is because I stared into the face of my own mortality. My spirit was stirred that I have so much work to do for you, and that ypu have so much good in store for me. I am at a loss right now.
I have been praying fervently for direction, a message in the sky, but I still (try) and patiently figure out your will in my life now.
I have been made aware of many things through my experiences thus far in 2007, and I'm grateful, I'm just having trouble seeing your plan.. I want my loved ones to be fufilled and happy no doubt. But God can yougive me a glimpse of my future road and possible happy times!
I trust you to do what is best always!
Place in This World- Michael W. Smith
The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world
If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me
Hear me asking
Where do I belong?
Is there a vision
That I can call my own?
Show me, I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Hold Me Jesus- Rich Mullins
Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big And my faith just seems so small
So hold me Jesus, I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul There must be blisters on my heart
So hold me Jesus, I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want Than to take what You give that I need And I've beat my head against so many walls I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin
Oh, hold me Jesus, I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace Oh, hold me Jesus, I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace
You've been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace
The past months I have come through so many trials. Many would say that these devastating circumstances would shake the core of their faith, but not mine Lord. Honestly, there were times I questioned Why me?, but I ultimately clung to you because you are the most faithful and forgiving suppurt.
Now that my life seems to be returning back to "normal" I feel I am shaky ground. Maybe it is because I stared into the face of my own mortality. My spirit was stirred that I have so much work to do for you, and that ypu have so much good in store for me. I am at a loss right now.
I have been praying fervently for direction, a message in the sky, but I still (try) and patiently figure out your will in my life now.
I have been made aware of many things through my experiences thus far in 2007, and I'm grateful, I'm just having trouble seeing your plan.. I want my loved ones to be fufilled and happy no doubt. But God can yougive me a glimpse of my future road and possible happy times!
I trust you to do what is best always!
Place in This World- Michael W. Smith
The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world
If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me
Hear me asking
Where do I belong?
Is there a vision
That I can call my own?
Show me, I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Hold Me Jesus- Rich Mullins
Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big And my faith just seems so small
So hold me Jesus, I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul There must be blisters on my heart
So hold me Jesus, I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want Than to take what You give that I need And I've beat my head against so many walls I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin
Oh, hold me Jesus, I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace Oh, hold me Jesus, I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace
You've been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Everything To God.. and that's what matters
OK, so I started this blog with the second entry being all about how I named it. How it would be nice to have someone to Bring Things Home To ..and how I didn't think I should be hard to match because I am a very caring , xompassionate, person BLAH, BLAH. As usual I then inserted the lyrics of the song that inspired this thought process.
Well for those of you who may read this or haphazardly stumble upon my ramblings I have had a slight perspective change recently.
People's lives are messy, mine certainly has been recently (by no fault of my own,life just happens) and if you always try to get everything you need from others, your needs will come up and you won't feel like you are important enough.
I realized during my recovery that I wanted to feel cared for all the time, I wanted to feel like someone's EVERYTHING and that person is not in my life.
Then one day I heard Brad Paisley's She's Everything (and excluding a few verses) even though I know the song is meant between a husband and wife it came to me that God himself feels that way and knows each of us that intimately.
So even if I don't find a guy tha believes I am his other half I have a Creator that everyday says "She's my Everything" and that gives me amazing courage and hope!!
She's Everything- Brad Paisley
She's a yellow pair of running shoes
A holy pair of jeans She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything She's I want a piece of chocolateTake me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear Now and then she's moody She's a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a-blowin She's a soft place to land And a good feeling knowing
She's a warm conversation That I wouldn't miss for nothing She's a fighter when she's mad
And she's a lover when she's loving
[Chorus] And she's everything I ever wanted And everything I need I talk about her, I go on and on and on because she's everything to me
She's a Saturday out on the town And a church girl on Sunday She's a cross around her neck
And a cuss word 'cause its Monday She's a bubble bath and candles Baby come and kiss me She's a one glass of wine And she's feeling kinda tipsy She's the giver I wish I could be
And the stealer of the covers She's a picture in my walletOf my unborn children's mother
She's the hand that I'm holding When I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer And she's the song that I'm playing
[Repeat chorus]
She's the voice I love to hear Someday when I'm ninety She's that wooden rocking chair I want rocking right beside me Everyday that passes I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one That I'd lay down my own life for
And she's everything I ever wanted And everything I need She's everything to me
Yeah she's everything to me Everything I ever wanted And everything I need
She's everything to me Yeah she's everything to me everything to me
Well for those of you who may read this or haphazardly stumble upon my ramblings I have had a slight perspective change recently.
People's lives are messy, mine certainly has been recently (by no fault of my own,life just happens) and if you always try to get everything you need from others, your needs will come up and you won't feel like you are important enough.
I realized during my recovery that I wanted to feel cared for all the time, I wanted to feel like someone's EVERYTHING and that person is not in my life.
Then one day I heard Brad Paisley's She's Everything (and excluding a few verses) even though I know the song is meant between a husband and wife it came to me that God himself feels that way and knows each of us that intimately.
So even if I don't find a guy tha believes I am his other half I have a Creator that everyday says "She's my Everything" and that gives me amazing courage and hope!!
She's Everything- Brad Paisley
She's a yellow pair of running shoes
A holy pair of jeans She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything She's I want a piece of chocolateTake me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear Now and then she's moody She's a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a-blowin She's a soft place to land And a good feeling knowing
She's a warm conversation That I wouldn't miss for nothing She's a fighter when she's mad
And she's a lover when she's loving
[Chorus] And she's everything I ever wanted And everything I need I talk about her, I go on and on and on because she's everything to me
She's a Saturday out on the town And a church girl on Sunday She's a cross around her neck
And a cuss word 'cause its Monday She's a bubble bath and candles Baby come and kiss me She's a one glass of wine And she's feeling kinda tipsy She's the giver I wish I could be
And the stealer of the covers She's a picture in my walletOf my unborn children's mother
She's the hand that I'm holding When I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer And she's the song that I'm playing
[Repeat chorus]
She's the voice I love to hear Someday when I'm ninety She's that wooden rocking chair I want rocking right beside me Everyday that passes I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one That I'd lay down my own life for
And she's everything I ever wanted And everything I need She's everything to me
Yeah she's everything to me Everything I ever wanted And everything I need
She's everything to me Yeah she's everything to me everything to me
Sunday, April 29, 2007
What Cancer has taught me
It's still weird to use the words Cancer and me in the same sentence. The explanation is comforting in a way because for the months I felt like a loser and a slug when I had no energy and quit school I had cancer. When you say that to people they accept it, and no one questions you.
There are many people that would not be able to find the lessons in a shocking diagnosis, or this situation. However, I have found several that I would like to share.
1. The first thing I really faced was not reality, not even my emotions...I found out what was wrong and a very serious surgery was scheduled for 2 weeks later. Amazingly, because surgery has been a consistent part of my life it's never really bothered me. I had never faced a complex medical situation such as this one. It hit me that I couldn't assume that everyone in my life that meant so much to me and had made an impact on my life knew how I felt in the event something went wrong in the surgery.
One might be wondering if this all just hit me like a MAC truck the night before? the answer is "No" as usual I heard a song while I was pondering that I believe God used to speak to me and spur me on to go ahead and let everyone know what I was thinking.
Garth Brooks- If Tomorrow Never Comes
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
Shes lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel About her in my heart
(chorus) If tomorrow never comes Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day That shes my only oneAnd if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me, WilI the love I gave her in the past be enough to last If tomorrow never comes cause Ive lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself To say each day how much she means to me And avoid that circumstance Where theres no second chance to tell her how I feel
*chorus*
So tell that someone that you love
Just what youre thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
2. Crisis situations in your life also teach you alot about how you cope and how those close to you cope when things get really rough. I have a lot of friends amd tons of people who care and that has been what has seen me through this. However, just like everything else there is a balance here too..I desperately needed people when I NEEDED them but I didn't want it to be always about how difficult my life if is. A very core group of close friends and family have circled the wagons and have put up with every emotional rollercoaster, every tear, every cuss word and they have never turned their backs.
I am so grateful that God has placed such wonderful individuals in my life who see fit to be there through the most difficult times.
I only hope I can return the favor if the need ever arises in the lives of these friends!! God is so Good to create such social loving and giving people.
As usual there is also a song that reminds of these special friennds!
Find Out Who Your Friends Are
Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere Get yourself in a bind
lose the shirt off your back Need a floor need a couch need a bus fare
This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don't lie
{Chorus}You find out who you're friends are Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car Hit the gas get there fast Never stop to think 'what's in it for me' or 'it's way too far' They just show on up with their big old heart You find out who you're friends are
Everybody wants to slap your back, wants to shake your hand when you're up on top of that mountain But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up and see who's around then This ain't where the road comes to an end This ain't where the bandwagon stops This is just one of those times whenA lot of folks jump off
{Chorus}
When the water's high When the weather's not so fair When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there
{Chorus}
There are many people that would not be able to find the lessons in a shocking diagnosis, or this situation. However, I have found several that I would like to share.
1. The first thing I really faced was not reality, not even my emotions...I found out what was wrong and a very serious surgery was scheduled for 2 weeks later. Amazingly, because surgery has been a consistent part of my life it's never really bothered me. I had never faced a complex medical situation such as this one. It hit me that I couldn't assume that everyone in my life that meant so much to me and had made an impact on my life knew how I felt in the event something went wrong in the surgery.
One might be wondering if this all just hit me like a MAC truck the night before? the answer is "No" as usual I heard a song while I was pondering that I believe God used to speak to me and spur me on to go ahead and let everyone know what I was thinking.
Garth Brooks- If Tomorrow Never Comes
Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
Shes lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel About her in my heart
(chorus) If tomorrow never comes Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day That shes my only oneAnd if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me, WilI the love I gave her in the past be enough to last If tomorrow never comes cause Ive lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself To say each day how much she means to me And avoid that circumstance Where theres no second chance to tell her how I feel
*chorus*
So tell that someone that you love
Just what youre thinking of
If tomorrow never comes
2. Crisis situations in your life also teach you alot about how you cope and how those close to you cope when things get really rough. I have a lot of friends amd tons of people who care and that has been what has seen me through this. However, just like everything else there is a balance here too..I desperately needed people when I NEEDED them but I didn't want it to be always about how difficult my life if is. A very core group of close friends and family have circled the wagons and have put up with every emotional rollercoaster, every tear, every cuss word and they have never turned their backs.
I am so grateful that God has placed such wonderful individuals in my life who see fit to be there through the most difficult times.
I only hope I can return the favor if the need ever arises in the lives of these friends!! God is so Good to create such social loving and giving people.
As usual there is also a song that reminds of these special friennds!
Find Out Who Your Friends Are
Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere Get yourself in a bind
lose the shirt off your back Need a floor need a couch need a bus fare
This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don't lie
{Chorus}You find out who you're friends are Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car Hit the gas get there fast Never stop to think 'what's in it for me' or 'it's way too far' They just show on up with their big old heart You find out who you're friends are
Everybody wants to slap your back, wants to shake your hand when you're up on top of that mountain But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up and see who's around then This ain't where the road comes to an end This ain't where the bandwagon stops This is just one of those times whenA lot of folks jump off
{Chorus}
When the water's high When the weather's not so fair When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there
{Chorus}
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Madness... to distract me from mine
God is so good and gracious! There has been so much indescribable craziness going on in my life and then there came two of the greatest/simplest joys in my life SPRING TRAINING AND MARCH MADNESS happening simaltaneoualy!
I thought I would share my brackets for the tournament (they were filled out by Wednesday evening) amd have not been altered. I just haven't had a lot of energy to post them.
2nd Round
MIDWEST REGION
Sweet 16
Florida Elite 8 Final Four Championship
Florida
Arizona
Florida Florida Florida
Butler
Maryland
Maryland
Notre Dame
Oregon
Oregon
Wisconsin Kansas
UNLV
Wisconsin
Wisconsin
WEST REGION N.Carolina
Kansas
Kansas
Villanova
Va Tech Kansas
SIU Carbondale
SIU Carbondale
Duke
Pittsburgh Kansas
Pittsburgh
Indiana UCLA
UCLA
UCLA
East Region
North Carolina
North Carolina
Michigan State
N. Carolina
USC
Texas
Texas
Vanderbilt
Washington St
Washington St.
Texas Tech Georgetown
Georgetown
Georgetown
SOUTH REGION
Ohio State
Ohio State
BYU
Ohio State
Tennesee
Tennesee
Virginia
Louisville
Texas A&M Ohio State
Texas A&M
Nevada Memphis
Memphis
Memphis
Ok this may be confusing because I don't have the template for the grid on here but I think you guys can get it The red print are the games I already know the outcomes of and my picks were wrong!! Currently my brackets are slowly falling apart I've got to get back to viewing and screaming ENJOY!!
I thought I would share my brackets for the tournament (they were filled out by Wednesday evening) amd have not been altered. I just haven't had a lot of energy to post them.
2nd Round
MIDWEST REGION
Sweet 16
Florida Elite 8 Final Four Championship
Florida
Arizona
Florida Florida Florida
Butler
Maryland
Maryland
Notre Dame
Oregon
Oregon
Wisconsin Kansas
UNLV
Wisconsin
Wisconsin
WEST REGION N.Carolina
Kansas
Kansas
Villanova
Va Tech Kansas
SIU Carbondale
SIU Carbondale
Duke
Pittsburgh Kansas
Pittsburgh
Indiana UCLA
UCLA
UCLA
East Region
North Carolina
North Carolina
Michigan State
N. Carolina
USC
Texas
Texas
Vanderbilt
Washington St
Washington St.
Texas Tech Georgetown
Georgetown
Georgetown
SOUTH REGION
Ohio State
Ohio State
BYU
Ohio State
Tennesee
Tennesee
Virginia
Louisville
Texas A&M Ohio State
Texas A&M
Nevada Memphis
Memphis
Memphis
Ok this may be confusing because I don't have the template for the grid on here but I think you guys can get it The red print are the games I already know the outcomes of and my picks were wrong!! Currently my brackets are slowly falling apart I've got to get back to viewing and screaming ENJOY!!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Getting answers..Not in your time
God is awesome the way he lightly reminds us that He is in control. Sometimes in my life though he has to scream His reminders quite loudly! The past few days there have been to events in the world (one in the public arena, and the other in my personal world) to remind me of this truth.
Monday a 13 year old boy "Ben" was abducted after getting off the school bus here in Missouri. A massive search effort was started, but the only thing they had to go on was a description of a truck someone had seen speed away from the area. Yesterday rhwy broke into Oprah saying there had been a break in the case. Not only had they found Ben, but with him in the same apartment was Shawn Hornbeck who had been missing since 2002 at the age of 11!!
I don't know either of these families personally but I am confident that there were many prayers were said on behalf of both boys. At times these were prayers of desparation, anger, and just pleading for answers. For whatever reason January 12, 2007 was when this piece of God's plan for the people touched by the stories (that reached millions) came to a miraculous close.
Second example: In a recent post I started by asking if God was listening. My life has been turned upside and sideways for the past 6 months because I 've been to lots of doctors with intermittn symptoms and no one could tell me anything that was wrong other that "I was probably stressed" I have gone through a myriad of emotions and types of prayers myself. I kept telling myself this is all part of God's plan for you, You'll look back and see how it fits.
This past Thursday I went to yet another doctor and within 10 minutes I had a diagnosis...not the best one,but yet something I could focus on. Ironically, I find more peace in knowing what I am facing then I am fearful of possible outcomes. I still don't understand the time table in either of the above situations for waiting. Maybe it is to teach us that the only way we can stand up under our burdens and persecutions is with the strength and love of Jesus Christ in our lives! Great is His Faithfulness
There will be more hard times ahead in life but God is in my heart and he has placed many "angels" in my life to undergird me when I am weak, and he offers the same for everyone who comes to Him!
I often include lyrics that reflect my feelings after I post about a topic. today you might expect a praise song and although those are always appropriate, I feel like being a realist today and that leads me to YES a country song it talks about the reality of life's not always beautiful, but no matter what "life is a beautiful ride"
No matter what God's plan has in store for me during my lifetime He never promised it would be easy but it has a already been a beautiful ride!
Life Ain't Always Beautiful- Gary Allan
Life aint always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard Life can knock you down, it can break your heart Life aint always beautiful You think you're on your wayAnd it's just a dead end road at the end of the day
But the struggles make you strongerAnd the changes make you wise And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time
CHORUS No, life aint always beautifulTears will fall sometimes Life aint always beautiful But it's a beautiful ride Life aint always beautiful Some days I miss your smile I get tired of walkin all these lonely miles And I wish for just one minute I could see your pretty face Guess I can dream, but life don’t work that way
But the struggles make me strongerAnd the changes make me wise And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time No, life aint always beautifulBut i know i'll be fine Hey, life aint always beautiful But it's a beautiful ride What a beautiful ride
Monday a 13 year old boy "Ben" was abducted after getting off the school bus here in Missouri. A massive search effort was started, but the only thing they had to go on was a description of a truck someone had seen speed away from the area. Yesterday rhwy broke into Oprah saying there had been a break in the case. Not only had they found Ben, but with him in the same apartment was Shawn Hornbeck who had been missing since 2002 at the age of 11!!
I don't know either of these families personally but I am confident that there were many prayers were said on behalf of both boys. At times these were prayers of desparation, anger, and just pleading for answers. For whatever reason January 12, 2007 was when this piece of God's plan for the people touched by the stories (that reached millions) came to a miraculous close.
Second example: In a recent post I started by asking if God was listening. My life has been turned upside and sideways for the past 6 months because I 've been to lots of doctors with intermittn symptoms and no one could tell me anything that was wrong other that "I was probably stressed" I have gone through a myriad of emotions and types of prayers myself. I kept telling myself this is all part of God's plan for you, You'll look back and see how it fits.
This past Thursday I went to yet another doctor and within 10 minutes I had a diagnosis...not the best one,but yet something I could focus on. Ironically, I find more peace in knowing what I am facing then I am fearful of possible outcomes. I still don't understand the time table in either of the above situations for waiting. Maybe it is to teach us that the only way we can stand up under our burdens and persecutions is with the strength and love of Jesus Christ in our lives! Great is His Faithfulness
There will be more hard times ahead in life but God is in my heart and he has placed many "angels" in my life to undergird me when I am weak, and he offers the same for everyone who comes to Him!
I often include lyrics that reflect my feelings after I post about a topic. today you might expect a praise song and although those are always appropriate, I feel like being a realist today and that leads me to YES a country song it talks about the reality of life's not always beautiful, but no matter what "life is a beautiful ride"
No matter what God's plan has in store for me during my lifetime He never promised it would be easy but it has a already been a beautiful ride!
Life Ain't Always Beautiful- Gary Allan
Life aint always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard Life can knock you down, it can break your heart Life aint always beautiful You think you're on your wayAnd it's just a dead end road at the end of the day
But the struggles make you strongerAnd the changes make you wise And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time
CHORUS No, life aint always beautifulTears will fall sometimes Life aint always beautiful But it's a beautiful ride Life aint always beautiful Some days I miss your smile I get tired of walkin all these lonely miles And I wish for just one minute I could see your pretty face Guess I can dream, but life don’t work that way
But the struggles make me strongerAnd the changes make me wise And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time No, life aint always beautifulBut i know i'll be fine Hey, life aint always beautiful But it's a beautiful ride What a beautiful ride
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
A new plan in Iraq
So I listened to the President's speech tonight and I was ok with what I heard . I hope people truly listened to the overall themes in the speech.
I have been very disheartened by the democrats who have been threatening to withold the funding of the war to make a point that they do not agree with the troop increase.
First I thought it was notable that President Bush said "Mistakes, have been made and the responsibility for those falls on me."
I must admit I was slightly unsure about the troop increase if progress toward turning over security to the Iraqi people was not made more rapidly. I did not want to see the war continue in a continual cat and mouse chase game with insurgents because as the president said tonight as soon as we leave an area the insurgents move back in.
The president says victory will look different. This time I believe he was more real about the difficulty and hardships our forces will still face, and I was glad to see the loss of life was not glossed over.
Oir approach will be focused on success equaling security for Iraq. Tothat end the 20,000 extra troops will be focused ontraining and embedding themselves to assist Iraqis NOT to be in charge.
This approach also has our forces focusing on the most intense areas in the country namely Baghdad and Andar Province.
i am also glad that Bush made it clear to Prime Minister Maliki that this commitment it is not opon ended especially if they do not start taking over their own country.
I am still concerned about two things even though I was on board with direction of the new plan. I know the Iraqi people voted for a democractic society and elections, but we must remember that there are major cultural differences in the middle eastern region and thus their percepton of liberty may never look exactly correct to us.
I am also concerned because President Bush talks about wanting to stabilize the region to make us safer but then he says he is sending a carrier to intercept any shipments and/or interference from Syria and Iran. Although I know thesr two countries are antagonists to the progression of security in the region, but this unnerves me. Could this be a pre-cursor to another front?? We'll have to see
Gid Bless America and Watch over our troops
Leaving now is not an option, if we did there would be a threat left for the entire world not just the United States
I have been very disheartened by the democrats who have been threatening to withold the funding of the war to make a point that they do not agree with the troop increase.
First I thought it was notable that President Bush said "Mistakes, have been made and the responsibility for those falls on me."
I must admit I was slightly unsure about the troop increase if progress toward turning over security to the Iraqi people was not made more rapidly. I did not want to see the war continue in a continual cat and mouse chase game with insurgents because as the president said tonight as soon as we leave an area the insurgents move back in.
The president says victory will look different. This time I believe he was more real about the difficulty and hardships our forces will still face, and I was glad to see the loss of life was not glossed over.
Oir approach will be focused on success equaling security for Iraq. Tothat end the 20,000 extra troops will be focused ontraining and embedding themselves to assist Iraqis NOT to be in charge.
This approach also has our forces focusing on the most intense areas in the country namely Baghdad and Andar Province.
i am also glad that Bush made it clear to Prime Minister Maliki that this commitment it is not opon ended especially if they do not start taking over their own country.
I am still concerned about two things even though I was on board with direction of the new plan. I know the Iraqi people voted for a democractic society and elections, but we must remember that there are major cultural differences in the middle eastern region and thus their percepton of liberty may never look exactly correct to us.
I am also concerned because President Bush talks about wanting to stabilize the region to make us safer but then he says he is sending a carrier to intercept any shipments and/or interference from Syria and Iran. Although I know thesr two countries are antagonists to the progression of security in the region, but this unnerves me. Could this be a pre-cursor to another front?? We'll have to see
Gid Bless America and Watch over our troops
Leaving now is not an option, if we did there would be a threat left for the entire world not just the United States
Sunday, January 07, 2007
I know God has the plan...
God Are you LISTENING?? I have been asking this question a lot as of late, part of me feels guilty because deep down I know He has a plan for me and I just have to be patient. I have a strong faith...I really do! BUT a lot has been going on in my life. I have been willing to be flexible and go different directions as life presented opportunities. Unfortunately, many times just to walk to another stalemate.
I started my Masters a year ago, I enjoyed it tremendously but moving out and doing my on again off again job and school led to MAJOR stress and interesting symptoms so I have decided to take some time off and return to looking for a more reliable employment situation with OH MY GOODNESS perhaps benefits!!
I don't think I expect too much from life. I want to work for a living I am doer even if I was a millionaire I would still want a position where I had to get up and go assist people everyday it is just part of who I am.
People always say you have to be happy with who you are before you can be happy with someone else. I used to believe that, it made sense. However now that I think about fundamentally in my core I am happy with who I am. What I am not hsppy about is my current circumstances/tests/trials or whatever you want to call them. This is why I often communicate with my closest Christian friends during these times because although they cannot make my struggles disappear they can align with me as allies in prayer and that lifts my spirit greatly.
It is hard to quietly wait on God's Will to be fulfilled in your life, so many times I am pleading and screaming for the immediate pain to be taken, God looks down wraps His loving arms around me and says " I am here my child,my plan for you is best. Remain faithful and your reward shall be great"
God Please help me to focus on you when I just want to fall apart.
My struggles are nothing compared to Mary's when she was told she was bringing Jesus into this world yet the lyrics to this song give me peace in my life at the present... Amen
Point Of Grace Winter Wonderland
Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)
I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,And i wonder what i've done.Holy father you have come,And chosen me now to carry your son.I am waiting in a silent prayer.I am frightened by the load i bear.In a world as cold as stone,Must i walk this path alone?Be with me now.Be with me now.Breath of heaven,Hold me together,Be forever near me,Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven,Lighten my darkness,Pour over me your holiness,For you are holy.Breath of heaven.Do you wonder as you watch my face,If a wiser one should have had my place,But i offer all i amFor the mercy of your plan.Help me be strong.Help me be.Help me.Breath of heaven,Hold me together,Be forever near me,Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven,Lighten my darkness,Pour over me your holiness,For you are holy.Breath of heaven,Hold me together,Be forever near me,Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven,Lighten my darkness,Pour over me your holiness,For you are holy.Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven.
I started my Masters a year ago, I enjoyed it tremendously but moving out and doing my on again off again job and school led to MAJOR stress and interesting symptoms so I have decided to take some time off and return to looking for a more reliable employment situation with OH MY GOODNESS perhaps benefits!!
I don't think I expect too much from life. I want to work for a living I am doer even if I was a millionaire I would still want a position where I had to get up and go assist people everyday it is just part of who I am.
People always say you have to be happy with who you are before you can be happy with someone else. I used to believe that, it made sense. However now that I think about fundamentally in my core I am happy with who I am. What I am not hsppy about is my current circumstances/tests/trials or whatever you want to call them. This is why I often communicate with my closest Christian friends during these times because although they cannot make my struggles disappear they can align with me as allies in prayer and that lifts my spirit greatly.
It is hard to quietly wait on God's Will to be fulfilled in your life, so many times I am pleading and screaming for the immediate pain to be taken, God looks down wraps His loving arms around me and says " I am here my child,my plan for you is best. Remain faithful and your reward shall be great"
God Please help me to focus on you when I just want to fall apart.
My struggles are nothing compared to Mary's when she was told she was bringing Jesus into this world yet the lyrics to this song give me peace in my life at the present... Amen
Point Of Grace Winter Wonderland
Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)
I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,And i wonder what i've done.Holy father you have come,And chosen me now to carry your son.I am waiting in a silent prayer.I am frightened by the load i bear.In a world as cold as stone,Must i walk this path alone?Be with me now.Be with me now.Breath of heaven,Hold me together,Be forever near me,Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven,Lighten my darkness,Pour over me your holiness,For you are holy.Breath of heaven.Do you wonder as you watch my face,If a wiser one should have had my place,But i offer all i amFor the mercy of your plan.Help me be strong.Help me be.Help me.Breath of heaven,Hold me together,Be forever near me,Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven,Lighten my darkness,Pour over me your holiness,For you are holy.Breath of heaven,Hold me together,Be forever near me,Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven,Lighten my darkness,Pour over me your holiness,For you are holy.Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven.Breath of heaven.